Be your biggest fan

One thing I realized in my almost 35 years here on earth. I am by far my own worst critic. Throughout my journey of life, I have faced so many challenges, more than most face and their entire lifetime. Which looking back most of those experiences I’m grateful for, extremely grateful. Because without those experiences I wouldn’t be who I am today. I think with anything that happens to us whether it’s good or bad, there is always a less involved. We always learn something through our experiences.
You see, I’ve never been somebody that can read a book and obtain much of anything. That being said it depends on the type of book. If I’m trying to learn something and apply it to a test then a book is not going to work for me. If I read a book to learn a lesson about life or how to improve myself or I read a biography about somebody I admire, then I learn a great deal from the book. Why there is such a difference between the two I don’t know. Several years ago I made a decision to put my trust in somebody that I never should have. It was not a romantic relationship it was nothing of that sort. It was with somebody that I thought I could trust, that I admired, that I looked up to. I’ve always been one to trust too easily. I’m not so sure anymore if that’s a bad thing or a good thing because it’s brought both happiness and heartache to my life. So back to this particular person she took advantage of my heart and I made some really poor decisions based on some false facts that she shared with me and based on the person that she was. And I’m not blaming anyone, I’m 34 years old back then I was 26-27 and I made my bed. I chose to believe in this woman and I chose to turn my back on other people because she made it seem like it was the best decision for me. 
It was one of those situations where I was upset at the world and I needed somebody to hold me accountable and to call me on my crap and to make me more self aware of what I was doing to myself and other people but this person saw it as an opportunity to come in and convince me otherwise and turn me against those people that actually genuinely loved me. It’s such a long story to tell in a Blog but you always have to be careful with who you trust. Who has your best interest at heart? Who is strong enough to call you on the carpet when you’re being an asshole?Who has a big enough heart to reward you when you done something good? And I’m not talking about buying you a gift but noticing when you’re doing something right in life rather than everything you’re doing wrong. I made amends with the people affected by the choice that I made with this woman. I went to each individual person and I personally apologized for my part in it. This was how many years ago now? But do you know that I still think about that every day I still carry go with me I still have regret. And here I am almost 35 years old and I teach people how to be confident, I teach people how to accept themselves and others just as they are. I teach people to grow and learn and accept their past and move forward. But here I am still dwelling on a mistake I made years ago. I guess it’s human nature in a way. I am not perfect, I am far from perfect. I have an unbelievably colorful unpleasant past a lot of which was my own doing. But as I sit here over these past couple of months reflecting on a lot of decisions I’ve made where I’m at now and where I want to be I realize if I keep thinking about my past I will never enjoy my future. 
You see, I’m not even close to the person I was 10 years ago.  and I’m proud to say that. I know none of us are who we were 10 years ago I completely understand that. But my values my core beliefs everything about me has changed in so many positive ways. I think I’ve always been the same person at heart  I just did a terrible job at showing  who I truly am for many years. 
And I think I need to remember that a little bit more often. I have to remember how far I’ve come and how far I still have to go.  I have to stop being my own worst critic and be my biggest fan. I have to remember that I’m human and I’ve come so far from where I was before. We have all let someone down a time or two in life including ourselves. We have all been in a place that we never thought we could come back from. We have all sat in our car or in our home at one point and thought to ourselves my life could never get worse oh, this is horrible, how am I going to get out of this. The outcome of our lives are up to us. sure we can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we handle and react. I refuse to start my life feeling sorry for things I did 10 years ago, I need to stop being my own worst critic.

 The best thing you can do when you love somebody that has made a huge change in their life is accept them for the changes they’ve made.  the worst thing you can do if you love somebody that has done a complete life remodel is to bring up the past and to dwell on the past of course we can’t forget the past but we don’t live there anymore so why talk about it?
Live your life today with Integrity, live with a heart for others, be honest, open doors for people, when you make a mistake say you’re sorry, realize nobody is perfect including yourself. Be your biggest fan!

#ownworsycritic #past #beconfident #bekind #bekindbetruebestrongbeyou

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